


needle and a thread (gotta get you out of my head)

by kirstenlauren



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, M/M, Parties, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, always angst, canon divergent from 2x08, high school!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:37:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4659939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirstenlauren/pseuds/kirstenlauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let’s pretend Connor never kissed Jude in the tent, Connor never came out, and therefore, they never got together. Flash forward to several years later where they’re still best friends and about to graduate high school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. deeper than a knife

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song Stitches (specifically the Shawn Mendes and Hailee Steinfeld acoustic version!)

“C’mon, Jude! It’s the last party before we graduate. It’ll be fun, I promise,” Connor said. Jude was stationed in the passenger seat of Connor’s old beat-up Volkswagen. His hands were gripping the sides of the seat as Connor tried tugging on his arm to pull him out of the car.

 

“Fine. If you want to stay there all night by yourself, that’s on you!” Connor said, giving up and dangling his car keys in front of Jude’s face. He began to walk away but smirked, knowing Jude would be right behind him in 3…2…1…

 

The car door slammed shut and Jude’s shoes pitter-pattered against the sidewalk as he ran up to catch up to him.

 

“Ha! I knew you’d come,” Connor said, throwing his arm around Jude’s shoulders and bringing him closer.

 

“If I see Tristan, I’m out,” Jude said.

 

“If I see Tristan, I’ll just punch him again,” Connor said, squeezing Jude’s shoulder in comfort.

 

Tristan was Jude’s ex. They met at school last year and dated for about six months until Jude walked in on him making out with another boy. The breakup was messy and Jude was still trying to get over it. Even Connor punching Tristan on the mouth the next day at school wasn’t enough to mend Jude’s heartache. Ever since, it was like pulling teeth trying to get Jude to go out. He woke up, he went to school, he went home. Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

As Jude’s best friend, Connor felt it was his duty to make sure Jude wasn’t miserable for his last few weeks of high school. Connor, unlike Jude, was a popular kid. He hung out with his equally popular baseball teammates (but always complained to Jude how dimwitted they were). He dated the prettiest girls (but never for too long). He was always invited to all the parties (and always brought Jude along). Everyone accepted that Connor and Jude were a package deal. After Connor was quick to stand his ground and defend his best friend when his teammates made jokes, even they never questioned it again.

 

Jude and Connor walked side by side toward the sound of echoing thumping bass. They walked up the walkway toward the house. On the front porch, a group of stoners sat in a circle passing around a joint. The front door flung open and a girl stumbled out. She ran onto the grass and fell onto her knees, puking what seemed like the entirety of her insides.

 

They walked through the threshold and were instantly blinded by flashing neon lights. Music was pumping through several speakers throughout the house and a crowd of dancing people filled the living room.

 

“Connor! Jude!” One of Connor’s teammates yelled to them as they tried to weave their way through the crowd. He shoved a jello shot into both their hands and disappeared into the crowd, passing out more shots.

 

Connor brought the tiny plastic cup to his mouth and sucked out the sugary cherry jelly into his mouth. Jude watched as his tongue darted out to lick out remaining jelly. He quickly diverted his eyes towards his feet when Connor met his gaze.

 

“You don’t want it?” Connor asked, motioning to the jello shot still in his hand. Jude shook his head and held the shot for Connor to take. Connor took it and shoved it into his pocket for later.

 

Daria, one of Connor’s ex-girlfriends (or ex-something), came up to them, sweaty from dancing. “One last hoorah?” She said to Connor, holding her hand out to him as an invite to dance.

 

Connor didn’t really have girlfriends. He mostly had friends-with-benefits that he almost always kept on good terms with afterwards. Jude was jealous of Connor because of that. Jude wore his heart on his sleeve; his emotions and feelings always got the best of him, which was why he was so hurt from Tristan. But Connor never let himself get that far. He never understood why. “Do you love her?” Jude would ask him (out of general curiosity, of course) every time he got involved with a girl. “Of course not,” Connor would always reply, simple as that.

 

Back in middle school when Jude and Connor first met, Jude developed a huge crush on Connor. Connor never knew. Connor still doesn’t know. Connor doesn’t know that Jude spent years trying to get over Connor. Connor doesn’t know that Jude tried dating to get over him. After all these years, the crush was hidden so deep down that it was almost forgotten. But then Connor would smile at him, he would wrap his arm around his shoulders, he would play video games with him, he would be there for his adoption and all of his family drama, he would read all of his creative stories and critique all of his artwork and punch a guy for him and oh of course, obviously it was still there. The crush would always be there. It was Connor, after all.

 

Jude watched as Daria dragged Connor off to the dance floor. Connor gave him an apologetic glance as he was swept into the crowd.

 

Jude stood with his back against the wall and watched as they danced together. As Daria danced with her ass against Connor’s groin, Connor placed his hands onto her waist and moved along with her. Jude continued watching them, watching as Connor ran his hands down to her hips. Daria closed her eyes and swung her head back against his chest. But Connor’s facial expression was somewhat uninterested, as if he was simply humoring her. With a girl’s ass against him, Jude expected more of a reaction.

 

Jude closed his eyes for a few moments and then decided to explore the rest of the house. He made his way through the crowd and into the kitchen, where red solo cups littered the counters and floor.

 

He spotted one of his old close friends, Taylor, whom he hadn’t talked to as much ever since she accidentally outted him to the entire school back in middle school. They used to be close. In fact, she was the second person (after Connor) who he came out to. Then she told her friend, who told another friend, who told another friend, and eventually, the whole school knew. Jude wasn’t mad. He was almost relieved because then he didn’t have to do it himself. But nonetheless, Taylor and him never rekindled their friendship.

 

“Jude! Hey,” Taylor called over to him when she saw him. Jude made his way over to her and leaned against the wall next to her.

 

“Hey Taylor,” Jude said, followed by a long stream of awkward silence.

 

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Taylor began. “We graduate soon and I really don’t want to leave on bad terms. You know I’m still really sorry, right?”

 

Jude smiled. “I know, don’t worry about it. I’ve been over it. It’s just been rough lately,” he explained.

 

“I heard,” she said. “I’m sorry about that. That guy’s an asshole.”

 

Jude nodded, but said nothing. Taylor began asking about how he was doing, his family, his plans after graduation…

 

\--

 

A while later, Jude and Taylor relocated to the back porch, where they sat on plastic lawn chairs. They were watching a classmate doing a keg stand as people stood around and clapped. As the party went on, everyone was getting drunker and drunker.

 

Jude began to gaze around the room, wondering if Connor was finished dancing and was maybe searching for him.

 

“Looking for Connor?” Taylor asked.

 

“Mmm. He was dancing with Daria,” Jude said.

 

“He was? Aren’t you guys together?” Taylor asked, confused.

 

“Huh?” Jude asked, turning to her.

 

“I thought you guys were together. After Connor punched out Tristan. I guess I just assumed he finally had the balls to come out…”

 

“We’re not. Connor’s straight…”

 

“Well, with the way he looks at you like you’re the sun, I thought otherwise.”

 

“You know, Taylor, this is why I stopped talking to you. Always assuming,” Jude said, frowning. He made a move to get up and leave.

 

Taylor opened her mouth to respond but then looked over to the other side of the porch. “Speak of the devil,” she said, tilting her head to where Connor came stumbling in from the back door.

 

Connor spotted Jude and a smile stretched across his face immediately. “Jude!” he yelled. “I’ve been looking _everywhere_ for you!”

 

Before getting up to leave, Taylor shot Jude a look.

 

“You know I’m right,” she whispered to him before walking away, smiling to Connor as she passed.

 

Connor made his way over, slowly but surely, and almost fell right into Jude’s lap.

 

“How much did you drink?” Jude asked.

 

“Like two or… six. Don’t really know,” Connor answered, matter-of-factly.

 

“I can’t ever leave you by yourself anywhere, can I?” Jude said, sighing. But he couldn’t help smiling back at Connor, who just wouldn’t stop grinning at him. “Stop smiling at me like that!”

 

“I can’t help it,” Connor responded and then sat down on the chair next to him. He began humming something that sounded a lot like that children’s song You Are My Sunshine. He reached over and grabbed Jude’s hand and began mindlessly playing with his fingers.

 

“Fuck, he’s here.” Jude said suddenly, his wide eyes looking across the room. Connor followed his eyes and saw Tristan enter the porch from the house, with a beer in hand. Tristan caught Jude’s eyes and began to move toward them. “Fuck, fuck, he’s coming over here. I’m gonna go—“

 

Jude was cut off suddenly by Connor’s lips on his.

 

Jude’s eyes flew open, stunned. Connor’s hands flew to Jude’s waist, pressing his fingers so hard that his nails made an imprint on his skin. Connor slid his tongue into his mouth and on instinct Jude followed his lead, closing his eyes. They kissed slowly but suddenly it was over.

 

Connor pulled away and looked back over towards Tristan, who was now stopped in his tracks. His eyes wide and surprised, he then turned around and walked back inside.

 

Connor turned back to Jude, who was flushed beet red and staring wordlessly at Connor. He simply gave Jude his biggest smile yet, waiting for Jude’s reaction as if he had just performed the world’s greatest magic trick.

 

“And poof! He’s gone,” Connor said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Super excited for this fic. Any and all feedback is appreciated. Come talk to me on Tumblr: thiojames.tumblr.com!


	2. breathe me back to life

The party began to dwindle down at one in the morning when the neighbors came banging on the front door and threatening to call the cops.

 

Jude was seated in the driver’s seat, considering the many shots Connor had taken that night. Meanwhile, Connor was passed out in the passenger’s seat; he pretty knocked out as soon as he sat down.

 

Before pulling out of the grassy area where they had parked, Jude spent ten minutes dissecting everything that had happened that evening. After the kiss, Jude mostly tried blending into the walls (he was afraid of seeing Tristan again) and Connor danced a bit more and smiled that goofy grin a bit more like nothing even happened.

 

It was just a simple drunken kiss, right? Not to Jude. With a past like Jude’s, he made sure to treasure each and every memory. Nothing was casual. Everything he did was for a reason. He wasn’t spontaneous. He wasn’t random. He was punctual and logical.

 

Even with someone as opposite of Jude as Connor, a kiss was not ever just a kiss. You don’t just kiss your friends (well, you do in Connor’s case). You definitely don’t kiss (with tongue!) your guy friends. Straight boys just didn’t do that. It wasn’t a thing.

 

Jude turned to look at Connor, who was sleeping with his head leaning against the window and his legs curled up on the seat (which looked quite uncomfortable).

 

Maybe… maybe, just maybe it was something more. Maybe Connor was just scared. Maybe Connor really did feel something for him.

 

But Jude knew better. Jude was Jude and he knew better than to have hope.

 

Then he put the car in drive and got on the road.

 

\--

 

They had planned to sleep over Jude’s house originally but now… it was weird. They’ve done this before. They’ve done this plenty. But Jude just couldn’t shake this off. Do they sleep in the same bed like they always do? Will Connor even remember anything in the morning? Even if he didn’t, how was Jude supposed to live his life normally knowing his Definitely Straight best friend just stuck his tongue in his mouth only a few hours earlier?

 

Jude shook his head and gently tried to rouse Connor from the passenger seat. They were in this same position before the party when Connor was trying to pry Jude from the car.

 

 _C’mon, Connor. It’s the last night that things won’t be awkward between us. It’ll be fun, I promise,_ Jude thought, mimicking Connor from earlier. He let out a laugh. How did he get here?

 

“What’s so funny?” Connor said sleepily, not opening his eyes but cracking a small smile.

 

“Nothing, nothing. C’mon, get up,” Jude said. “We’re at my house.”

 

“Okay…okay,” Connor said, making his way to get up but failing miserably. “Help?”

 

Jude put his arm around Connor’s back, steadying him as he stood up.

 

It took the two of them exactly eight minutes to get from the car to the front door (and Connor wasn’t exactly being helpful). He made Jude stop a total of three times to stop and look at a lizard, a crack in the sidewalk, and a patch of dying browned grass, respectively.

 

By the time they got to the front door, Jude put his finger on his lips, motioning for Connor to stay quiet. They tiptoed (somewhat quietly) up the stairs (slower than Jude would’ve wanted) to his bedroom.

 

As soon as Jude opened his bedroom door, Connor leapt up and fell onto the bed, sprawling out like starfish. “I love your bed,” he said, his voice muffled against the comforter. “I really love your bed.”

 

“I’m going to sleep now,” Connor said matter-of-factly as Jude took off his shoes and began to sift through his dresser to pick out something to wear to bed—

 

Then Connor jumped up and grabbed Jude’s arm, pulling him down with him onto the bed. In another fluid movement, Connor threw his leg and arm over Jude’s body and made himself comfortable at his side. “You’re going to sleep too,” he said. “With me.”

 

Jude’s face reddened at Connor’s words but he didn’t make en effort to extract Connor’s limbs from his torso.

 

Five minutes later, they were both fast asleep.

 

\--

 

The next morning, Jude woke up alone.

 

 _Fuck, fuck. He remembered and then left_. _Fuck, our friendship is ruined forever._ Jude sat up on the bed, looking around frantically for a note, a text, anything.

 

But then the bedroom door opened and _oh_ ( _phew)_ there was Connor. “I feel like shit. Just puked in your toilet. Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay. You really did drink a lot last night…” Jude said, looking down at his lap and picking at the threads of his comforter.

 

Much to Jude’s surprise, Connor simply laughed. “I know. Bad idea, huh? My head’s killing me.”

 

No awkwardness. No weirdness. Did Connor even remember?

 

Jude nodded silently and left the room, mumbling something about ibuprofen. When he returned, he held out a hand of two ibuprofen pills and a tall glass of ice water for Connor.

 

Connor reached over and when his fingers touched Jude’s, Jude jolted as if he had been electrocuted, dropping the pills onto the floor. Connor laughed, reaching down to retrieve them. “Dude, are you okay? You’re just so jumpy.”

 

Fuck, he was making it weird. Jude was definitely making it weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short! I wanted to post it to hold you guys over until the next chapter (get ready for the angst!), which might take a little while since it's the second week of school (goodbye syllabus week, wahhh) and I'll be extremely busy.


	3. going under

It was the last week of school and Connor still hasn’t brought up the kiss to Jude. Therefore, neither has Jude.

 

But he was following Connor’s lead. He wanted to bring it up, oh, he wanted to so bad. _Hey, remember that time you kissed me?_ But he never did.

 

So they did the normal things. They played video games. They worked on homework together. Obviously, Jude spent a lot of that time glancing over at Connor every few minutes, but still. Things were relatively normal (on the outside, at least).

 

On the second to last day of school, Jude woke up and went to school and only thought about Connor and the kiss a total of three times: a record. Normally, it could never escape his thoughts. At this point, he memorized every little movement Connor made that night. He memorized the feeling of Connor’s lips and his tongue. He memorized Connor’s hands on his waist; the indents his fingernails made on his hipbones.

 

But Jude made it through his first period without thinking about it; he was distracted anyways.

 

The entirety of the class, the back of his neck prickled as he sensed someone staring at him. Finally, he turned around, somewhat annoyed. He glared at the culprit: a quiet, brown-haired and doe-eyed sophomore, who turned beet red and stared down at his desk as soon as Jude locked eyes with him.

 

Jude’s stare immediately softened at the kid’s obvious harmlessness and when the bell signaled the end of class, he caught the boy before he scurried away in embarrassment.

 

“Hey Nathan,” Jude greeted him, relieved he remembered the poor kid’s name. “Did you need something?” He didn’t say it accusingly; instead he said it with genuine kindness.

 

“Y-Yeah. I was wondering – since you’re graduating and stuff – if you can help me with figuring out which colleges to apply to?” Nathan stared at the desk mostly as the words stumbled out. “I know it’s really early for me but…”

 

“Sure,” Jude said. “It’s never to early to figure out your life,” he smiled.

 

“Do you want to come over after school, maybe?” Nathan said, still looking at the desk, now picking at the edges.

 

“Um…” Jude began.

 

“If you don’t want to… that-that’s okay.” Nathan said hurriedly.

 

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s just… normally I do homework after school with my friend Connor.”

 

“Oh. You don’t have to come, it’s okay…” Nathan said.

 

“No! It’s okay. I’ll just tell him I’m hanging with you,” Jude said, giving him a small smile.

 

Nathan blushed and stumbled to pick up his books to put in his bag. “Okay, well—“

 

“I’ll meet you in the parking lot after school?” Jude said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

 

“Okay,” Nathan said. “See you then.”

 

Jude watched as Nathan practically ran out the classroom.

 

\--

 

His morning classes passed quickly and on his way to lunch, Jude realized that he hadn’t thought about Connor since the ride to school. _This is a good thing,_ Jude thought to himself.

 

He sat down at his usual lunch table and pulled out his packed lunch. A few minutes later, Connor sat down at his usual spot across from him, carrying a school lunch tray.

 

“Hey,” Connor greeted. “What do you think this is?” he asked, lifting up some type of burger. He pulled off the bun, revealing a mystery mud green meat. He wrinkled his nose in disgust.

 

“Who knows,” Jude said. “But it kind of looks radioactive so don’t be surprised if you grow a third arm or something.”

 

Connor smiled at that and opted for the cup of diced peaches instead.

 

“Did you see that math worksheet we got for homework? I can’t believe we’re still getting homework and there’s barely any school left!” Connor complained. “I’m going to really need your help today after school.”

 

“Oh yeah…” Jude said. “Actually…”

 

Connor raised his eyebrow at Jude curiously. “What?”

 

“I actually have plans,” Jude said. “With Nathan? The sophomore… have you met him?”

 

“Oh,” Connor said, his shoulders sagging in disappointment. “No, never heard of him.”

 

“Maybe afterward I can come help you—“

 

“No, don’t worry about it,” Connor said, cutting him off.

 

The rest of lunch was weirdly quiet. Jude had to come up with all of the conversation topics, which was a role Connor usually upheld.

 

\--

 

A few hours later after the final dismissal bell rang, Jude scanned the student parking lot, looking for Nathan. He found him standing near the curb, looking particularly timid and shy.

 

“Nathan!” he called. The boy turned around and smiled at his presence, walking over to him.

 

“Hi,” Nathan greeted when he caught up to him.

 

“Hey, Nathan,” Jude said.

 

Nathan looked down at his shoes, fiddling with the strap of his backpack.

 

“So let’s take my—“ Jude was cut off by a voice yelling his name somewhere behind him. He whirled around and saw Connor walking towards them.

 

“Hey Connor,” Jude greeted. As soon as Connor reached them, he began sizing Nathan up, taking in his small, mousy appearance. Because Nathan was still staring at his shoes, Connor raised an eyebrow.

 

“So, this is Nathan?” he asked.

 

Nathan picked up his head at the mention of his name.

 

“Yeah. Nathan, this is Connor,” Jude said.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Nathan said, reaching his hand out.

 

Instead of shaking his hand, Connor chose to ignore it and turned to Jude. “See you tomorrow then,” Connor said before turning to walk away towards the parking lot.

 

“Um… anyways, let’s take my car,” Jude said, smiling apologetically at Nathan.

 

“I don’t think he likes me very much,” Nathan commented softly as Jude led him to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I know I haven't posted in months and I'm sorry! I literally had this whole chapter written out a while ago and it was ready to post but then my computer glitched somehow and I lost the file. So then I was frustrated and gave up on this story for a while but I just recently got some inspiration back. So here I am. As always, comments are appreciated!


	4. make it out alive

The drive to Jude’s house was quiet, to say the least. Jude was milling over how strange Connor was acting. Meanwhile, Nathan was silent in the passenger seat, nervously shuffling his hands in his lap.

 

“So, what colleges are you looking at so far?” Jude said, in an attempt to turn off his mind, as well as ease out of the awkward silence.

 

“Um… somewhere close, I guess?” Nathan said. “Uh, California State?”

 

“Okay. What do you want to study?”

 

“Uh…”

 

‘That’s okay if you don’t know yet,” Jude said. “I have a bunch of college pamphlets from college fairs over the years. We can look at those and figure it out.”

 

Nathan nodded and went back to his habit of nervously shuffling his hands.

 

And then the rest of the drive continued just as quietly as it began.

 

\--

 

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Jude asked, as he pulled into the driveway of his house.

 

The lot was always filled with cars; Jude was lucky if he got a spot on the driveway instead of having to park in the grass. He was the only one left in high school, the rest of his four siblings already off at college; but they were all back home now for the summer while Jude still had a few days left.

 

“I guess not…” Nathan responded. After a few beats of silence as they got out of the car and headed towards the door, he spoke up again. “I think you just make me nervous.”

 

“Nervous?” Jude paused, his hand halfway toward the doorknob.

 

Nathan nodded. “You’ve always made me nervous. Ever since the first day of school when I saw you in class.”

 

Jude opened the door, hiding his face as he smiled. This was completely new to him—he never had that effect on anybody before. It was… nice.

 

He held the door for Nathan and shut it behind him, the environment around them buzzing with homey sounds. He could hear something simmering in the slow cooker in the kitchen. He can hear Mariana and Jesus bickering upstairs over something probably stupid. He can hear the quick tapping of someone typing on a computer—most likely Brandon, who has been overwhelmed with applying for music internships ever since he got home. He sees his mom, Stef, at the dining room table surrounded by paperwork—probably bills or something to do with work. His other mom, Lena, was most likely still at the school, covering some last minute principal duties. He didn’t know what Callie was up to but he imagined she was out catching up with her old friends, maybe Daphne or Cole.

 

Nathan seemed a bit setback by all the commotion in the house. “Warning… I have a really big family,” Jude said, with a laugh.

 

“Oh hey, honey,” Stef said, noticing them and turning around towards them in her chair. “How was school?”

 

“It was fine,” Jude responded. “This is my friend Nathan. We’re gonna be in my room, okay?”

 

Stef smiled kindly at Nathan and waved them off.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Nathan said before following Jude up the stairs to his room.

 

\--

 

Ten minutes later, Jude and Nathan were seated on the floor with dozens of pamphlets surrounding them.

 

Nathan had Santa Clara University, University of San Diego, and Pepperdine University in front of him.

 

“Where are you gonna go?” Nathan asked.

 

“I’ll be at San Diego State in the fall,” Jude said. “Not entirely sure what I’m studying yet. I’m hoping I’ll figure it out—“ A loud buzz from his phone on his desk interrupted him.

 

Jude got up to check it.

 

**Connor Stevens**

**_How it’s goin with ur new friend????_ **

Jude quickly typed a response then slid his phone in his pocket.

 

**_Good._ **

Almost immediately, his phone buzzed again. He pulled it out of his pocket quickly, opening the notification.

 

**Connor Stevens**

**_That’s it? Not surprising >:)_ **

****

Confused, Jude typed a response.

****

**_What is that supposed to mean?_ **

****

Another buzz. At this point, Nathan was looking up curiously.

****

**Connor Stevens**

**_U kno u would have more fun with me :)_ **

****

“Sorry,” Jude said to Nathan, sliding his phone back in his pocket, not responding to the text.

 

But of course, another buzz has Jude sighing and pulling his phone out, again.

 

**Connor Stevens**

**_He seems boring. Since when do u like the quiet ones??_ **

 

“Is it Connor?” Nathan asked.

 

“Yeah…” Jude said. “He’s being weird, sorry.”

 

“I think he likes you,” Nathan said, abruptly.

 

Jude looked up at him quickly. “What?” he said. “I mean, we’re best friends, of course he likes me.”

 

“I think he likes you a little more than that,” Nathan said.

 

“No, no. We’re just friends,” Jude said.

 

Another buzz.

 

**Connor Stevens**

**_Just ditch him and come hang w/ me_ **

****

Jude doesn’t respond again—instead turning his phone on silent and placing it on the floor next to him.

 

“Are you sure?” Nathan asked.

 

“Yeah… yeah,” Jude said. That’s just how Connor is. That’s just normal Connor. It doesn’t mean anything else. But then suddenly the kiss flashes in his head and Jude silently curses himself; he’s been doing so well until now.

****

“Well… okay,” Nathan said. He suddenly seemed more nervous than usual—his face blushing and his fingers nervously flicking with the edge of one of the pamphlets.

 

“What?” Jude asked.

 

“In that case… maybe… do you wanna… gooutwithme?” Nathan said, his words rushing out so fast that Jude could barely catch them.

 

“Er… repeat that?”

 

Nathan took a deep breath and started again. “Do you, maybe, wanna go out with me sometime? Like I don’t know… a movie, dinner, or we could just—“

 

Jude stopped him by placing his hand over his. “Sure, Nathan. That sounds fun.”

 

“O-Okay,” Nathan said. “Tomorrow night?”

 

“Sounds good,” Jude said. Nathan was nice. He was sweet. And maybe, just maybe, he would help keep his mind off of… other things.

 

But then his phone lit up with another text from Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are appreciated, as always!
> 
> Come find me on Tumblr at thiojames and Twitter @curvysivan!
> 
> EDIT:  
> Okay, I'm sorry to sound rude but I've been getting comments that have been bothering me so much. Writing is supposed to be something fun, not a responsibility. My cousin passed away recently and that's been a huge deal for me and my family and it's so annoying that I have to explain why my updates are inconsistent. I am also a full-time college student and I have a job. I write when I'm feeling inspired and when I have time. Lately, there's been very little of both so please be patient with me. If you can't be patient, then don't read.


	5. move on

**Connor Stevens**

**_Jude??_ **

**Connor Stevens**

**_Hellloooooooo_ **

****

**Connor Stevens**

**_Whats goin on_ **

****

**Connor Stevens**

**_R u on ur way over yet??_ **

****

**Connor Stevens**

**_How am I supposed to do my hw without uuuuuuu_ **

****

**Connor Stevens**

**_I’m lonely here w/o my best frienddddddd_ **

****

Jude had just dropped Nathan off; he had walked him to his door and pulled him in for a quick hug. Nathan scurried inside red-faced, soft-smile and a mumbled “see you tomorrow.” Before they left, Jude and Nathan had spent the rest of the time talking about their lives, their families, and their futures. Jude was convinced that Nathan had used college as an excuse to hang out. Nathan never seemed that interested in the pamphlets.

 

Once he got back into his car, he reached for his phone that was set in the cup holder in the center console. He had tried his best not to check his phone and respond to Connor’s insistent texts. As expected, his phone was blown up with several texts from Connor. He typed back a simple response.

 

**Hi.**

Almost immediately, he received a reply.

 

**Connor Stevens**

**_Hi….. Finally textin me back!! How did it go??_ **

Jude hesitantly typed back.

**Good. He asked me out.**

****

**Connor Stevens**

**_Oh._ **

****

Another notification.

****

**Connor Stevens**

**_What did u say??_ **

 

**I said yes.**

When Connor didn’t text back immediately, he finally pulled out of Nathan’s driveway and headed home. On the way home, he wondered what Connor would say. When Jude started going out with Tristan, Connor was initially hesitant about it. He’d expressed that he was worried that Jude would get hurt. Despite his worries, Connor was eventually supportive of the relationship—until the end, obviously.

 

He hoped he’d be supportive this time, despite how weird he’d been acting lately. Nathan could be good for him.

 

\--

 

When Jude finally pulled into his own driveway, Connor still hadn’t responded. So Jude sent another message.

 

**So you text me constantly all day and suddenly you’ve got nothing to say?**

Jude went inside, ate dinner with his family at the table, and watched half a movie with his moms. His moms bombarded him with questions about Nathan; he recounted his day with Nathan and they added their appropriate motherly comments as expected.

 

After all of this, Connor still hadn’t texted back. At this point, Jude excused himself and went into the hallway.

 

**Really, Connor?**

He stared at his phone for a few minutes, waiting for those three little dots that signified Connor was typing. But they never came.

 

So finally, Jude dialed Connor’s number quickly and reached the phone to his ear. The phone rang shrilly in his ear and Connor didn’t pick up until the very last ring.

 

“Hey,” Connor greeted. His tone was stone cold.

 

“Um, hey?” Jude said. “You didn’t texted me back.”

 

“Yeah, sorry,” Connor said. He seemed so disinterested; his tone echoed detachment.

 

“What’s up with you?”

 

“I’m just busy, okay?” Connor snapped. “Go on your stupid date, I don’t care.”

 

“…Wow,” Jude said, after a few beats of silence. “I thought you’d be supportive, considering you’re my best friend. But I guess not.”

 

Then Jude ended the call quickly, not waiting for a reply from Connor. He shoved his phone into his pocket angrily.

 

 _Maybe he’s just concerned. Maybe he thinks I’ll get hurt again._ Jude tried to find a reason for his behavior, but his reasons are cut short. It doesn’t explain the anger, his harsh tone, his weird behavior ever since Nathan walked into his life just yesterday.

 

Maybe… maybe, just maybe, there’s more of a reason. Maybe… Connor is starting to feel what Jude has felt this whole time. Quickly, Jude lets the thought leave his mind; that can’t be the reason.

 

\--

 

Jude and Connor didn’t talk for the rest of the night. Jude went to sleep that night uneasily—they normally text from dawn to dusk but Jude was not going to be the one who gives in first. He wasn’t going to be the one always chasing him—friendship works both ways. Connor has to try too.

Before drifting off to sleep, he wondered if Connor felt incomplete as well.

\--

 

A few miles away, Connor lay in his own bed. His room was dark and the only source of light was from his phone where he’d typed several drafts of texts to Jude. He didn’t send any of them.

 

**I just don’t like that Nathan kid**

**I don’t trust him**

**He’s gonna hurt u**

**Plz don’t go on that date**

**Why do u need someone else when u have me?**

**U have me and I have u. Isn’t that enough?**

Eventually, he shut his phone off and placed it on his bedside table. He pulled the covers over his shoulders and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short but hello hi look I updated TWO of my fics within two days, be proud of me. Enjoy.
> 
> Gavin's birthday is tomorrow btw. ))::::: Baby is getting old.
> 
> @curvysivan on Twitter and thiojames on Tumblr, come say hi.


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